Lately I have been thinking a lot about the blessings that God has put in my life. Sometimes things get hard or a lot of work comes up, but I never have anything legitimate to complain about. God has given me some great experiences and relationships which I will always treasure. However, when I look at my little life and think about all the things that have been given to me, I can't help feeling that I missed something along the way; that somehow I should be "better". Now in reality...this is stupid. It's good that I know that, but I just wanted to tell you why: because I do the best I can to live my life for the Lord. Now granted, by best isn't really good a lot of times, in fact my best is often pretty shoddy. However, I do not hold any regrets if I make the most of my days. Some days I may have a learning experience and fall flat on my face after making a huge mistake. Other days I may feel really good about what I do and how I act. But everyday, whether good or bad, I wake up and give the day to God. I need work, I'll probably always work, but that doesn't stop God from using me and allowing me to grow at the same time. Paraphrasing C.S. Lewis again, he said something along the lines of It is God's will to make us nothing less than perfect. He will someday, and while we spend our time here on earth, He is helping us along the way. He only accepts perfection, and thankfully it is the perfection that comes from Him, I sure know I wouldn't even want to try doing it alone now. I use what I have been given and follow these rules. God is making me a better person even thought it's painful sometimes and arduous. However, feeling like I haven't lived up to anything does nothing in the end for what really matters. I'll live up to a higher standard, and that is doing my best to follow Christ, giving it my all when I only have a little to give.
Thst's a pretty fun word...mushiness. Anyway, I've been wanting to write a blog the past couple of days about Karen. The last few days have been really fun. Kare dug up some stuff from before we were dating and it has been really neat to look and think back on things and notice what has changed and what hasn't. One thing that hasn't changed was the way that I can act around Kare. I feel that I can always be myself around her, whether I'm sick or tired or hyper on caffeine or in a great mood, she is always a great friend. I'm very glad that I have another friend who cares about me and prays for me like Karen does, it really is a great support and joy. I am also very glad that I found a friend before I found a girlfriend. It was great getting to know Kare before we had any of the going out things going on. This may all seem kind of sappy, but I am very thankful to have a friend like you Kare. A friend who sticks to her values, who goes for what is right, who cares about others, who can make me laugh, and who I can be myself around and feel good about it. The list could go on and on as why I am thankful, but too much mushiness could cause severe liver damage for unaware readers, so I'll stop. But thanks again for everything you've done and continue to do Kare bear, and thank you so much for being a true and wonderful friend.
Well I've been in bed for about an hour now, getting more and more awake with each minute that passes. I haven't been able to sleep well for the five nights or so, pretty much about the same time that offers for work down here started to come in. Right now, all that I can think about are possibilities and events that may or may not happen in relation to this summer. I also cannot help to think about how I will not be able to go home much more than a couple of weeks. So here I am, thinking of the problems and probabilities as I watch my comfort zone fall apart in front of me. I'm normally not at all rattled like this, I don't know what it is. All I know is that it is really annoying and I can't get my sleep. I really wish I could, I don't much care about what is going to happen so long as I can be well rested when it does. So night six of restless sleep. Hopefully it will be the last one. I'm going to go back to bed and hopefully stop caring about anything aside from deep breaths and peaceful dreams.
There is only 3 weeks of classes left in the semester, and that is very nice. I am sitting here feeling a bit overwhelmed by Greek. The concepts aren't that new, but it just feels like I'm out of the game. I only have one more testing round, so hopefully and I can push through that alright. Today I was told that I have a very good chance at getting a job here in Longview at the Hood church. They are good people and it would be a great experience I think, although it is quite scary. It's really weird, getting this job sort of solidifies me not living in New York anymore, it's a pretty strange feeling. I will miss all the summer weather and most of all the chance to see my friends and family. However, things have changed at home, and as much as it stinks everyone has to grow up sometime. So if this is how changing states feels, I can't imagine how changing countries would feel for someone like Bolt and what the other senoirs are going through. Igloo was going around the floor looking for engagement ring tips, Bolt has a prayer letter to help fund his Papua New Guinea trip out, and Aduma has a map of Iowa of all places on his wall. Moving away is exciting, and seeing what these other great guys are heading off to do is encouraging as well. So...just three weeks left. And maybe things aren't as scary as they seem.
Well it's been quite awhile since I wrote my last blog. I wanted to post more though, and Karen said it would be cool if I did, so here I am. Yep, just posting my blog. You know what's nice about these blogs? Is that I don't have to follow any format or make it spectacular writing. I can even just spew off a bunch of undeveloeped thoughts, and who's going to care? Exactly, no one. So school is finally wrapping up and things are really starting to cook here in the next few weeks especially. I only have one more testing round before finals which is really nice, and after a bunch of presentations, I'll be done. On top of that, and this seems really weird, is that I'll be staying in Longview this summer if everything goes well jobwise this week. Dr. Hood's husband, Dr. Hood, may offer me an internship at his church this summer which would be really cool. Karen and I have been having a lot of fun which has been a trend; it's been great. We went to dinner, Target, and a movie last night (with gummy bears none the less) and had a good night of relaxing. Well it has been fun just writing about what is going on in my life and I will try to do it more for all of my avid fans. ;-)
